Day 10 (9 November 2009)

I Quit

On Valentine's Day, the only response I got to my "I love you", was a straight, expressionless face.

Khushi was out of town for a few days after that. When she returned, we had the clichéd "just friends" talk. She told me that I was probably her closest friend after Himanshi, and she valued me for that. But, my continuous and repeated confessions of love were futile. "We're good friends, and that's what we'll always be", she said. "You're a very nice person, I like you but I don't 'love' you", she tried to explain.

It was then that I decided to quit my efforts to wooing her.

Valentine's Day was a long time ago. Everything had changed and yet was the same.

Life had brought me to Gurgaon. New place, new college, new course, new friends, same love.

I had given up on trying to get her to love me. But, the memories refused to leave my heart. She still valued me as a friend and stayed in touch. I tried hard to do the same. If I had a right to love her, she too had a right not to love me.

But no matter how much I tried, I could not get the feelings out of my heart. I even tried to avoid calling her as much as I could resist. She was still as nice as ever, stayed in contact and took care of me as a friend.

It was not long before she realised that there was something wrong. She could sense the reluctance, the pain and the doubt in my voice. She saw through the masquerade I tried to put up. When she could not take it any more, she asked me what had happened and why I was behaving in such an unusual manner.

I did not bother telling a lie. I told her how I felt and asked her for some time to get back to my original self. She was very understanding and allowed me the time I needed. For several days, I did not contact her. I tried to occupy myself in my new college life. But, I was only fooling myself. Forgetting my feelings for her proved impossible to me.

It had almost been 3 years since I saw her outside the temple. The memories of those 3 wonderful years were etched on my mind. I could not erase them no matter how much I tried.

After a few days, I could not stand it any more. I missed her terribly. I called her. "Khushi, do you love me?". The words I heard in response would change my life forever.

"Yes, I do, Aniruddh"